The Magic Lampoon is a Magic: the Gathering humor site. All original content herein is copyright © 2005, all rights reserved. No portion of this web site may be used in any way
without express written consent. Magic: The Gathering® is a registered trademark owned by Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc. The Magic Lampoon is not
produced or endorsed by Wizards of the Coast, Inc.
Five Cents
Internet Edition
Since 2005
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Click here to return to the front page.
Interview With Black Lotus

Dec. 27, 2005
By Sam Hopkins
Magic Lampoon correspondent
Senior Entertainment Correspondent Sam Hopkins sat
down with Magic personality Black Lotus on Dec. 19 in
an unprecedented interview to record his long withheld
perspective on his gradual fall from glory.

SH: As certainly the most famous Magic card of all time,
it's really an honor to be talking with you, Mr. Lotus. It's
been a long time since we last talked; how have things
been with you lately?

BL: Well, you know, it's hard for a card these days, what
with the players always putting so much pressure on you
to perform and younger cards always trying to take your
spot, but I get by.

SH: I'd first like to ask the question I'm sure is on all of
my readers' minds: How does it feel to be restricted in
Vintage, the only format you are legal in?

BL: It hurts, it really does. The fools up at Wizards tell me
that it's cause I provide absurd mana acceleration and
would degenerate the entire format if unrestricted.
Bullshit. It's just the man trying to put another brother
down.

SH: Are you implying that racial prejudice affected your
restriction in some way?

BL: Course I am. We've seen it happen with Dark Ritual;
we've seen it happen with Negropotence; we've seen it
happen with goddamn Black Vice. The DCI is always
hating on cards just cause they black.

SH: Perhaps it's just that black is just an extremely
powerful color that sometimes produces cards above an
acceptable level. Don't you think that could be the case?

BL: Do you know how many black cards are restricted in
Vintage? Eleven. And how many white? One.

SH: The statistics do seem to be on your side, but to be
fair, sir, you are technically not black. You're an artifact,
which, uh, makes you colorless.

BL: --

SH: Er -- Mr. Lotus?

BL: Are you questioning a brother's color?

SH: No, no. I just --

BL: Are you saying just cause I'm an artifact means I ain't
black?

SH: Well, I meant --

BL: Shoot, when I'm in play it's like there's always a
March of the Machines and a Darkest Hour out. Oh -- uh,
and a Glorious Anthem too I guess.

SH: Yes, yes -- of course. I didn't --

BL: That's what I thought. Now I'm sorry, but I gotta to
go to a little meeting I got scheduled with Elvish Piper.

SH: Well, it was great having you here for even just a
short time. Hope your meeting goes well.

BL: Oh… I'm sure it will.