12 Tips For Better Sex

Posted on May 31, 2009
Filed Under Articles, Energizer, Flashbacks, Vandermonde | 1 Comment


Magic players aren’t made of stone. They have needs, just like other men. And, while they aren’t known for being dreamy hunks, there are plenty of dorky girls out there, looking for the right dorky guy.

But when that magic moment comes, you want everything to go just right. Here then are some handy tips to get you started.

1. Don’t try to use card condoms as actual condoms. Trust us on this one.

2. Cut your nails. This will also help you avoid damaging your cards when riffle shuffling.

3. Don’t be too aggro, but don’t be too control either. That’s right. You want a combo approach.

4. Know your match-ups. What works with a redhead may not be so hot with the kind of girl who dyes her hair blue/green.

5. Keep track of your mistakes. Keep a six-sided die by the bed, starting at one, and every time you make a mistake, turn it to the next highest number. If it hits six, excuse yourself and take a cold shower. This will really help you learn to make less mistakes.

6. It’s important to maintain good tempo and apply pressure throughout the event.

7. You might not think a girl would like being “slow rolled,” but you’d be surprised. But try not to “raw dog” it.

8. There are no wrong threats. At least not if she’s into that kind of thing.

9. Don’t just randomly jump between things. If something is working well, you want to do it consistently, but not more than four times. That’s just one of the unwritten rules.

10. Try not to overextend.

11. You don’t want to call out the wrong girl’s name in the heat of passion. So write it down. It’s perfectly legal.

12. Above all, it’s important to stay informed, and read up on the latest techniques, or “tech.” Don’t trust amateurs; get all of your bedroom advice from reputable Web sites, like magiclampoon.com.

- May 13, 2005

Comments

One Response to “12 Tips For Better Sex”

  1. Lolimanerdymacnerd on September 9th, 2009 5:23 pm

    Ahahaha you guys sure need to go out more often, and these advices are something so awful it makes me sick.

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