News In Brief
Posted on August 2, 2009
Filed Under Articles, V. Wedge | 3 Comments
Rosewater Creates Tension Bridge, Thousands Die
Citing his love for tension in card design, head designer Mark Rosewater transfered that love last Thursday into the field of engineering and built a tension bridge. Mere hours after its completion, it collapsed, killing not only its passengers but also many residents of the town below. “If only Mark Rosewater had some sort of background in mechanical engineering, this tragedy could have been avoided,” said the local governor at the memorial. He added, “I’m not even sure why the city approved a bridge design that encouraged its users to do two opposite things at once. Of course it didn’t work.” Mark Rosewater is scheduled to return to his job at Wizards of the Coast in time for the next expansion set.
Wizards of the Coast Announces All-Cycling Set
“We can’t control ourselves anymore,” read the opening paragraph of a recent feature article on wizards.com. “We’re going to design a set where every single card has cycling.” According to the article, every employee in every branch of the staff has spent years lobbying for this to happen. Aaron Forsythe said, “The gameplay ramifications of cycling are vast, because you can either play the card or draw a different card instead.” The all-cycling set will be called Zendikar, have 249 cards, and be released in October 2009.
Randy Buehler to Wizards of the Coast: “Let’s Get More Feet in those Text Boxes”
It was leaked by an anonymous source that Randy Buehler spent over 20 minutes last Thursday berating the entire Wizards of the Coast staff. The topic of the rant: the need to have more Magic cards follow the precedent set by planeswalkers in having feet visible behind the rules text. “Players love feet,” Buehler told the staff while pounding on his desk. He outlined a five-year plan, wherein creatures would be the first card type to have feet added to their textboxes, followed by artifacts and then enchantments. Wizards will also be adding an extra card into packs, called Pro Players’ Feet Cards, that will each show nothing but a close-up photograph of a pro player’s feet. “Feet,” Buehler stressed to the staff. “Always have feet.”
Leaked Token Art Worries Players
A team of hackers discovered and then posted the art for one of the upcoming set’s token cards. Depicted on the art is Adolf Hitler with dragon wings. The title of the token is “Dragon Hitler.” Forum posts in response to the leaked art were generally negative. “I don’t know what I’m more worried about,” read one post, “the fact that Hitler is going to be in the next Magic set, or the fact that they painted him with dragon wings.” Another post asked, “Why is this even a token? Will there be a card that makes more than one Dragon Hitler?” The creature type is Human Dragon and the card is a 5/5 with flying.
Gatherer Entry for Cylian Elf Still Without Comments
Wizards was excited last year to introduce user comments to the Gatherer page of each card, but they didn’t realize that one card, Cylian Elf, would last an entire year without receiving a single comment from anybody. “It’s as if nobody finds the card interesting,” said designer Kenneth Nagle. “It’s as if nobody but me even noticed the card.” It is yet to be seen whether Runeclaw Bear, or the several upcoming Grizzly Bears functional reprints, will receive any comments.
Typographical Error Sees Print
Mark Gottlieb admmitted in a feature column last week that a typographical error had found its way into Magic 2010, on the flavor text of Coral Merfolk, a vanilla 2/1 for 1U. “We accidentally used the word ‘hardly’ instead of ‘almost,’” wrote Gottlieb. “I’m not sure how that one slipped through the cracks; it doesn’t make any sense the way it’s written now.” The printed flavor text of the card describes that the 2/1 merfolk is “hardly defenseless on the field of battle.”
New Doug Beyer Article Printed
“Blah blah blah,” reads the opening paragraph, and every other paragraph, of Doug Beyer’s newest article on wizards.com. Countless Magic fans around the world eagerly read every word of the article, according to the beliefs of Wizards of the Coast. When reporters asked Beyer about his plans for next week’s article, he talked for several minutes before he stopped talking.
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3 Responses to “News In Brief”
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I’ll eagerly await the Dragon Hitler art to appear in an Wallpaper of the Week Arcana!
I love the entire dragon hitler part. Laughed so hard.
“Why is this even a token? Will there be a card that makes more than one Dragon Hitler?”
wow
More feet? Someone should tell Tarantino :)