Budde Reiterates That He Is The Juggernaut

NEW YORK — Veteran Magic: The Gathering pro Kai Budde, known affectionately as The German Juggernaut, reiterated Wednesday that he is the Juggernaut and that you are a bitch.
“Don’t you know who I am?” Budde asked you in a news conference Wednesday morning.
Budde then informed you that he is the Juggernaut and then referred to [...]

Photochop – Triplicant

Card Of The Week – Stoneforge Mystic

This week’s card is Stoneforge Mystic. Stoneforge Mystic goes and gets your weapons for you, which is what a squire should do.

Jace: Nothing Adds Loyalty Like A Couple Of Bong Hits

DOMINARIA – Planeswalker Jace Beleren announced Tuesday that while using his various powers makes him feel more loyal, nothing makes him feel more loyal than “a couple of bong hits.”
Bong hits give Jace a special insight into the world around him, the famous planeswalker told The Magic Lampoon on Tuesday.
“Dude, like, have you ever seen [...]

Wizards Reveals: Phallus Wurm To Be Reprinted In 10th Edition

RENTON, Wash. — Wizards of the Coast, makers of Magic: The Gathering, revealed Friday that beloved card Phallus Wurm would be reprinted in the upcoming 10th Edition.
Marketing revealed a niche demand among Magic fans for cards and imagery based on the phallus, said Wizards of the Coast spokeswoman Tina Gaffney.
“We’re trying to make the creatures [...]

Photochop – Quenchable Fire In EDH

Photochop – Green Bringer In EDH

Card Of The Week – Jace, The Mind Sculptor

This week’s card is Jace, the Mind Sculptor. Quick! Snatch these up while you can! They’re about to go way up in price.

It Is The Will Of Zedruu

By Zedruu the Greathearted
It is the will of Zedruu.
It is the will of Zedruu that you should have … this Howling Mine.
Take it.
I bequeath it to you.
While you possess it, it shall draw both of us extra cards.
I’m going to gain a life now.
It is the will of Zedruu that you should have … [...]

Photochop – Popsicleslicer

Player Unlocks Superpowered Demon’s Horn Card In New Duels Of The Planeswalkers Game

PHILADELPHIA – Local Magic: the Gathering player Marvin Lursen announced Sunday that after hours of playing, he had unlocked the superpowered card Demon’s Horn in his new Duels of the Planeswalkers game on his Xbox 360.
Now that the notoriously powerful, hidden bonus card is unlocked, Lursen will be able to put the card into his [...]

Photochop – Mudbutt Torchrunner

Card Of The Week – Umezawa’s Jitte

This week’s card is Umezawa’s Jitte. Umezawa’s Jitte is one of the three most powerful jittes ever printed.

Important Rule Change For Magic 2012

COCKATRICE — An online user of the unofficial Cockatrice Magic: the Gathering program notified The Magic Lampoon on Wednesday of an important rule change for Magic 2012.
From now on, explained Buttkicker726, creatures that used to have haste can attack even if they came under your control during your turn.
“I equip my new token with Lightning [...]

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