Jeepers

“Jeepers, Dack! Who do you think stole all of that Jell-O?” said Frank.
“Um,” said Dack as his eyes darted back and forth, wiping off his mouth with his handkerchief.
“Maybe it was old man Witherspoon!” said Joe. “He’s always lurking around, looking all creepy and stuff!”
“Yeah, Joe!” said Frank. “Maybe he put all that Jell-O into [...]

Photochop – Occupy Tin Street

Michael Jackson Attempts To Escape Cemetery

GLENDALE, Calif. — Terror struck residents and visitors to Forest Lawn when pop icon Michael Jackson attempted to escape this famous cemetery here Sunday morning.
Jackson, deceased since June, burst out of his grave, snapped his fingers and began shuffling and dancing his way toward the cemetery exit Sunday as terrified onlookers ran in all directions.
Police [...]

Photochop – Ding Dong

Card Of The Week – Goblin Arsonist

This week’s card is Goblin Arsonist. Is that a piece of a Zendikar hedron on his head?

Innistrad Zombies Getting Trickier, Says Church

INNISTRAD — Locals report here that zombies are getting trickier in their attempts to fool people into thinking that they are not zombies, according to a local church.
Church of Avacyn spokeswoman Tina Gaffney said that zombies here are determined to get close to ordinary people in order to bite them, and that the zombies have [...]

Photochop – Dehydration

When I Give The Signal

By The Cabal Patriarch
OK, is everyone paying attention? Does everyone understand the plan?
When I give the signal, resurrect all the zombies.
Everybody got it? OK, we’ll–
Johnson, WHAT the FUCK?!
I said WAIT for the SIGNAL!
Good lord. What is resurrecting ONE ZOMBIE going to do?
Put it back. PUT it BACK. Yes, that’s — PUT IT BACK. [...]

Photochop – Mu

Card Of The Week – Feral Hydra

This week’s card is Feral Hydra. This is a picture of a mammalian creature carrying its young in its fur, isn’t it?

Singer Fired From Matca Matches After Comparing Uril To ‘Hitler’

ALARA — Singer Haggar Williamsson was fired from his regular performances here before the beginning of each matca match after he compared Uril the Miststalker to someone named “Hitler,” apparently a power-mad authoritarian figure on a distant plane.
Williamsson was known for singing his song “Are you ready for some Matca?!” before the beginning of each [...]

Sid’s Cards

Hi! What do you think of this card?

Sid’s cards is a feature where Sid asks you what you think of a card.

Photochop – Cured Ape

The Great Designer Search 2 Essay Questions – Our Answers

Editor’s note — Wizards of the Coast is currently having another contest, the Great Designer Search 2, to place a lucky contestant as an intern designing cards for Wizards of the Coast! The contest begins with a 10-question essay test. Here is the Magic Lampoon’s contest entry with our answers to the 10 essay questions.
Question [...]

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