This walkthrough is based on the American version of Friday Night Magic for the FVGS 2000. This walkthrough contains spoilers, so if you do not want the plot ruined for you, watch out. No portion of this walkthrough may be used without express written consent, unless you have a good reason.

Round 1

Make sure you have the red/green deck equipped to your deck slot; if you forget to equip it, you can get a match loss here. This round is not very hard. Just use your cards to win. Try to win quickly because there is a lot of stuff to do between rounds.

After you win, go to the refrigerator and Search (press X) it to find the Popsicle. Take the Popsicle over to the guy on the far left side of the store and trade it for a Wagon Wheel. Take the Wagon Wheel and trade it to the guy in the Powerpuff Girls t-shirt and you will get a summer Magic blue-bordered Hurricane card. Trade the Hurricane to the store owner for a Screwdriver.

Round 2

This match can be difficult, but like many matches in this game, there is a trick to it. What he is going to expect is for you to play Magic cards and attack with creatures and such. Instead, select the Ramble command from the battle menu and start going off on unrelated tangents about the war of 1812 and diet maple syrup.

If you are quick, you can chain together multiple rambling stories by mashing the B button. Unlike most bosses, your round 2 opponent is susceptible to confusion attacks, and rambling like this will disorient him and cause him to accidentally draw two cards for his turn. This is your chance! Use the Summon command and summon a judge, who will give your opponent a warning. Your opponent will become outraged and will begin swearing at the judge, who will upgrade his warning to a game loss followed by a match loss. You win!

Round 3

This is a “supposed to lose” battle. No matter what you do, he will basically just draw whatever card he needs. Just concede immediately so you will have more time to do miniquests before round 4 starts.

If you got the Screwdriver, there is a cool trick you can do now. Exit the store and approach the blue Honda that is parked outside. Use (press triangle) the Screwdriver to break the lock, then Use it again to start the car. Park the Honda in the handicapped space in front of the store, then go back inside. Make sure to pick up the Wallet from the car before you leave.

Round 4

This can be a tricky battle. This opponent is skilled in Rules Lawyering, and you do not yet have equipment that protects against judges. However, if you did the above trick, then your opponent will be busy dealing with the fact that his car has been towed. Since your opponent is a no show, you get a match win!

Round 5

This is another hard opponent to beat if you try to do it the regular way. He has the ability to bring creatures into play without paying their mana cost. Normally you could counter this attack by summoning the judge, but for some reason he is immune to rules. I think he is good friends with the store owner or something. Luckily, there is an easier way to beat this boss: take the Wallet you got earlier and Throw it at him. Normally that defeats him in one hit. If not, try throwing booster packs at him to finish him off.

Round 6

This battle is optional, but if you choose not to fight, you get the bad ending. Choose to fight instead because this boss is really easy if you know how to do it. The first thing to do is, before the battle, set your opponent’s upkeep to “Mark this phase to always stop”. When the fight starts, tap your opponent’s lands during his upkeep and mana burn him. Keep mana burning him until he dies. You win! Now just sit back and watch the ending.

- June 16, 2006

Originally ran Oct. 6, 2006

Recent light trends have lent more evidence to the theory of global darkening, a theory that suggests that the spectral lightcaps are eroding, which could cause the end of civilization as we know it.

“People think that global darkening happens over a long period of time, but the process is much faster than one might imagine,” said senior lightologist Tina Gaffney. “For example, take a look at the light readings on this Ravnica island, then compare that to the readings from this Time Spiral island,” she said.

“I mean Time Spiral swamp. Or actually, wait, no — I think it might be a forest?” she said.

The results of global darkening could be devastating, Gaffney explained. “If darkening
continues at the current projected level, darkness levels could reach lows very similar to in ‘The Matrix.’ Did you ever see that flick? Did you see the part where that one dude totally kicks that other dude in the face? That was awesome,” she said.

Not all scientists are convinced of the risks of global darkening, however.

“Spectral fluctuations such as this are not unprecedented. We had a very similar situation back in 1994,” said Alternate Timeline Tina Gaffney.

“Personally, I am not worried. Usually what happens is a young but determined hero arises to save the world from eternal darkness, who is oftentimes accompanied by a group of friends who are all with him,” she said.

RENTON, Wash. — In tapes released Thursday, a leader of a terrorist organization declares that America’s creatures and faces are not safe.

Claiming to be the “king” of terrorist organization “Your Mom,” the individual on the tape threatens to use the organization’s burn deck to attack America, America’s creatures and the faces of Americans.

The video goes on to say that the Your Mom organization has obtained a Two-Player Tenth Edition Starter and “made it [its] own,” suggesting that the threats to creatures and faces may include burn spells such as Spitting Earth and Soulblast.

“We do not just play Magic, we own it. Are you scared? We have burn,” the terrorists said.

Terror experts believe they’ve identified a person on the tape. 

“The man on the tape has been identified as known terrorist Peppermint Von Corduroy III,” said Counter-Terrorism Unit spokeswoman Tina Gaffney.

“He is an extremely dangerous supergenius who is said to know everything, which is why he gets to act like he does.”

Officials searched the last known residence of Von Corduroy but found nothing.

“We thought we might find him there hanging out with his friends, but it turns out that he does not hang out with his friends at his house,” Gaffney said.

In response to the threatening tape, the terror alert level has been raised to red and all probable terrorism targets have been enchanted with Red Ward, Gaffney said.

Originally ran Sept. 16, 2005

RENTON, Wash. — In a study two years in the making, Wizards of the Coast has scientifically proven that Aether Vial is exactly equivalent to a “super Dark Ritual” that produces 17 mana, according to officials.

“It was a lot of work, but it was worth it,” said Wizards of the Coast spokesman Aaron Forsythe, who led the study. “We did not want to ban the Vial from any formats until we knew exactly how good it was.

“Now we know that the Vial equals 5.7 Dark Rituals, which is 83.7 percent too good to be legal in Extended,” he said.

The study uncovered some unexpected results for other cards, Forsythe added.

“For example, we expected that Desperate Ritual would be equal to a fractional Dark Ritual, but it turns out that Desperate Ritual is actually 2.3 times better than Dark Ritual,” he said.

“Also, Divergent Growth, which produces no mana whatsoever, is 7.8 times better than Dark Ritual,” he said.

“It took a lot of people to make this happen,” Forsythe said. “At one point, we had so many people working on this study that there was no one left to playtest the Betrayers of Kamigawa expansion. However, I think the results show that we put our efforts in the right place,” he said.