Survey Of Ravnicans Reveals Fully 98 Percent Know All About Dimir Guild

RAVNICA — An informal survey here of Ravnican citizens reveals that fully 98 percent of them know all about the existence of the Dimir Guild, the colors it represents and so on.
“See that guy right over there, the one made entirely out of strips of cloth? He’s one of them,” said one passer-by on the [...]

Photochop – Asteroid

Guess How Many Eyeballs Are In This Jar Of Eyeballs And Win A Free Fully Loaded 2011 Galvanic Juggernaut

By Dave Klaus
Special to The Magic Lampoon
Hi! I’m Dave Klaus of Klaus Juggernaut, and we still have 2011 Juggernauts in stock!
Stop by today for a tremendous deal on a 2011 Juggernaut. Participate today in our contest by guessing how many eyeballs are in this jar of eyeballs, and win a free, fully equipped 2011 Galvanic [...]

Photochop – Virus

How To Write Flavor Text For Phyrexia

By Tina Gaffney
Special to The Magic Lampoon
Hi! I’m Tina Gaffney, and I’m the flavor text coordinator for Magic: the Gathering at Wizards of the Coast.
Today I’m going to talk about how to write flavor text for Phyrexia. Our upcoming set, Mirrodin Beseiged, has plenty of Phyrexian nasties for you to enjoy. Let me tell you, [...]

Photochop – Invincible Knight

Wizards Is Proud To Announce: Avacyn Restored

RENTON, Wash. — On May 4, the dawn over Innistrad will be ignited with the release of the third set of Innistrad block, Avacyn Restored, announced Wizards of the Coast.
Like Rise of the Eldrazi, Avacyn Restored will be a large set even though it is the third set of its block, said Monty Ashley of [...]

Photochop – Dark Passenger

A Personal Appeal From Phyrexia Founder Yawgmoth

I’m a volunteer.
Like the countless others before me who have tried to infect worlds with a sinister plague, I don’t get paid a copper coin. But as the Father of Machines, I have been here from the beginning, and I have to tell you, I never thought that Phyrexia would get to be this big.
We [...]

Photochop – Frogatog

Sexual Symbolism In ‘Zelda: Skyward Sword’

Editor’s note: While “Zelda” is not normally associated with Magic: The Gathering, we feel that, as giant nerds, our hobbies overlap somewhat. We hope yours do, as well.
By Dr. Hilton J. Fallon, Ph.D.
Special to The Magic Lampoon
Sexual imagery is an important part of modern media and culture. Many modern created works contain numerous sexual symbols. [...]

Photochop – Glove

People Have Forgotten The True Spirit Of The Festival Of The Guildpact

As you begin to celebrate the Festival of the Guildpact today, you should take a moment to think about the true meaning of this wonderful holiday.
The Festival of the Guildpact is about much more than attacking your foes with ancient terrors that you’ve brought forth from another time. It’s about more than consigning magical creatures [...]

Utensils

Make sure they’re arranged correctly on the table.

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